Man Vs. Self

by Marjorie

I was supposed to continue this essay requirement but hey, I’m typing a blog entry instead.

I realized that it is already August, and I’m still stuck. What the? What am I sharing?

Anyway have you ever felt that whenever you try to convince yourself that you’re moving on from the mistakes you’ve done in the past, there’s always this open door that will always lock you in. And instead to breathe a fresh air, you find yourself so lonely because you’re already holding the key to unlock the door yet you don’t want to open it. You are trapped and in order to let others see that you’re fine, you just continue to live your life with fake laughs and denials. So you find reasons, to know the how and the why. Maybe you’re too afraid? Or maybe you just really need more time to solve your puzzled self. And at the end of the day it is you again alone, engulfing the misery and sorrow that you don’t want to let go. And who else is to blame? Of course it is You! Yeah, it is me.

I know, I know destiny, fate or whatever they call it are the overused words whenever some bad luck or tragedies knock us down. But it is our choices that really matter. They’re the building blocks of what we have become today. Of what I am in the present.

Well maybe I’m into this stage of my life right now where I find courage in wisdom. I listen. I love to learn. In fact I was fascinated by this denotative insight our teacher who told us about looking back on the past. She said that when you walk backwards, there’s a great tendency that you’re going to trip or fall down. But if you move forward you’ll see a long path that will guide you to a new journey of hope, freedom and love. And when you get tired, it is good to pause and look back, only once in a while and realize how far you’ve gone. Those sufferings and scars before are the nourishments that are responsible for you to become a better person.

Wow!  That was a lot. I typed faster for a blog entry and my ideas are overflowing. But this essay requirement seems to be a nuisance for me. Sorry. If I were to put my thoughts into writing right now, I’ll probably say the famous John Green quotation, ”My thoughts are stars, I can’t fathom into constellations.” Yes, yes. I think you’ve noticed too that my concepts are shifting; from vague to concrete and vice versa. Oh no, I don’t want to write like Francis Bacon!

And just so you know, I’m currently finding a resolution to this “Man versus Self” conflict I stated on the third paragraph above. Wish me luck!